i was supposed to go out with the redhead tonight. but i flaked via text message. i thought about it the other day, and i came to the conclusion that i don't really like her all that much. it's nothing she said or did, it's just that when i think of her, there is zero yearning in my mind, heart and loins - and that's a pretty good indicator that i should get out while the gettins good. so my text explained that while i had a good time the other night, i'm too busy for dating right now (a total lie - i have an abundance of free time right now). she responded: "i understand, but we should at least be friends who make out... or more (wink wink)" ... pretty sure the "wink wink" signifies that she's open to fucking me with no strings attached. i'm not into that either. i think a lot of dudes would jump at that opportunity, but not this old cowboy - quite apart from my tiffany hang ups, i'm just not into dating right now. dating sounds like a pain in the ass to me. like an extra load of school work or somethin. but i'll admit, my recent and rare attention from women makes me sit back, satisfied, and thinkin, "hey, i'm gettin up there, got some grays in the beard, some light in my eyes, it's true.. but i still got it.. i can still woo the girls with the best of em... a regular casa nova over here"
i've been playing with these ideas in my mind for the past year or so. the voice in my head says that i should put myself out there, start up the okcupid profile, be open to ideas etc... but i'm in charge of this funny farm, not the voice, and i say, "sorry charlie, this old cowboy goes it alone" ... the voice says, "why must it be this way? don't you want to at least get laid every now and then?" and i say, "look voice, i know that's how things were done around here for a long time, but not anymore man, things are changing now, and honestly, no, i dont' give two shits about getting laid." the voice responds, "youre full of shit" ... mike went through somethin similar a few years back, just before he met melissa. i'd say to him, "what are you, some sort of monk? - dont you want to get laid" (just like the voice says to me now) and mike would say, "no man, i really dont care about that, at all" and i'd say to him, "youre full of shit" ... now i understand that he wasnt. once i was blind, and now i can see.
my new theme song that plays on a loop in my head (cept not so morose and cheesy).
so what goes in the space where women once occupied? what am i to replace them with? ... i suppose school will occupy every cell, atom, and fiber of my physical and spiritual being next semester. here's a list of the fun and exciting classes i'm set to take: income tax, property transactions, secured transactions, constitutional law II, wills/trusts, corporate and partnership tax, business associations, landlord/tenant clinic, and evidence. with the exception of con law II and the clinic, i'm dreading all of those classes.
also, the gym. 24 hour fitness. my new found love in life. maybe it's the endorphins and dopamine my brain kicks out after a solid pump sesh, maybe it's my vanity and the hope of being one of those dudes who looks in shape, maybe it's the heavy sounds of slayer and metallica blasting through the earphones, maybe it's the challenge of trying to eat 200 grams of protein a day, maybe it's the way my muscles feel perpetually sore and dead, maybe it's the fascination of all the sweaty penises in the locker room - maybe a combo of all those things - whatever - im fucking addicted. and by golly, that's a good thing. xoxo