Sunday, June 24, 2012

i still love whitney. so much. and this is probably my favorite tune of hers. i'm a big fan of key changes, and the key change in this one totally wrecks me. it's my song to tiffany. i'm whitney houston and she is kevin costner. pay attention to the lyrics.

i remember when MJ died, i was talking to mike on the phone about it and he summed it up perfectly. he said, "it just seems strange, living in a world without michael jackson." - the same is true with whitney. even though she was a bat shit crazy crack head for her last years, the world is a shade darker without her - and something feels wrong about her being dead - like, it isnt fair that bobby brown is still breathing and she isnt - there's no justice. 

here's what's new: nicotine patches arrived via mail and so once again, i am not smoking - the first few days are the hardest but once i get over the hump, ill be fine - and i'll smell better, have more lung capacity, save money, and hopefully avoid cancer if it's not too late. also, i made it to the gym 5 times this week, and today i went for a jog on the spring water corridor - i fucking hate running. my lungs were about to explode after 20 minutes, so i turned up the ipod and dug deep, and ran another 5 minutes before i said, "fuck this shit" and walked back home. but 25 minutes is good enough. also, i went to new seasons last night and stocked up on healthy/low carb/high protein food to assist in my body transformation: eggs, tuna, chicken, wheat pasta, spinach, natural peanut butter, almonds, grapefruit, avocado, rolled oats, brown rice, sweet potato, and milk. everyday, i eat variations of all that shit and drink 2-3 protein shakes a day, combined with 5 days a week at the gym and i'll be hot shit with my shirt off in no time. finally, i went out with a red head named gretchen on friday night. i met her at a bar about a month ago and we exchanged numbers. gretchen is 29, does hair at a salon, drinks tequila with grapefruit, has a dog named marley, and she is incredibly sexy. she talked about her ex husband a lot, which didnt bother me at all, then she talked about her ex boyfriend for a while, which didnt bother me either. apparently, she only married the ex because she was pregnant and he had good health insurance. i assume she lost the baby or gave it up for adoption because she never mentioned having a kid. she said she divorced the husband because she met tim (the ex boyfriend) whom she recently left because tim wasnt challenging her - i guess the dude is into his 40's and has no motivation or something. all of this fascinated me. anyways, we bar hopped on belmont and ended up back at her place - at which point, i was pretty wasted. she had to let the dog out, so we grabbed a bottle of stale red wine and went to the park. at 3am we swung on the swing set and chugged red wine from the bottle like a couple of hobos. that's the last thing i remember. in the morning, i woke up in her bed, in my undies and she was naked so i'm assuming we must have made out. we had a morning breath make out sesh (gross) and she gave me head, which was nice of her. then she got ready for work and i caught a bus home.

i like her, i do. but it's hard to feel excited about dating new people when so many of my eggs are in the tiffany basket. ... mike says i should throw that basket away. but he knows ill never do that. ive been loving this girl for nearly 14 years now - at some point you just have to face the facts, ya know? -- there's only one girl for me - and if she never comes back, well then shit, guess ill have to make the best of it... ill buy a modest home, adopt puppies and kittens by the dozen, spend my weekends out on the lake fishin for trout - and that'll have to be ok. but if she does come back, you can bet your boots on one thing; i'll make her so fucking happy that she'll rue every goddamn day she spent away from me. ... "pipe dreams" says the voice in my head. shut up, voice, what the hell do you know anyway?

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