Thursday, June 21, 2012

this is heather pollack. i met her in the 6th grade and instantly fell in love, whereas she saw me as more of a friend. but that didnt stop me from loving her. no... my love for heather was adamant - and pure - and really carnal. sure, i crushed on other girls, but none so consistently, none so intensely. heather was aphrodite, she was 6th grade sexual magic incarnate. also, she had boobs. *sigh* how i longed for her... and alas, it was all for not - much ado about nothing. i harbored an unrequited love for her for 3 years of junior high, and i never got to finger bang her, or put my hand up her shirt. never got a french kiss from her, not even a peck. oh i got plenty of hugs - but she hugged everyone and so there was nothing really special about that... after all, she was popular, so she had a self inflicted responsibility to dole out hugs... i guess to preserve the popularity.  i'm sure i valued our friendship to some degree, but mostly i just remember wanting to be her boyfriend, so i could finger bang her - which is what a lot of the popular kids were doing - finger banging.

anyways, at the end of the 8th grade, we were headed to different high schools, so we made a golden promise to stay friends forever. shortly thereafter, during the ensuing summer, on a family camping trip, i fell in love with my mom's boyfriend's niece, jama stratton (whom, on that camping trip, let me finger bang her in a tent with her brother sleeping next to us in his sleeping bag and whom i lost my virginity to a few months later - i was pretty stoked). needless to say, heather was old news, and so i didnt mind that we never spoke again.

fast forward 20 years and she adds me on facebook. i looked at her profile. single. no kids. living in LA as an aspiring musician. "neato" i said to myself and went about my life. then the other day, she posted a video (seen above) of her band's live performance, and i watched it. if you havent already, please take a moment to watch and listen. 

i mean, it's not my cup of tea, but i could see myself dancing in the crowd if i was super wasted. what gets me though, is the overwhelming dorkiness vibe - let's not forget, heather was top 10 most popular girls in my class - and so to see her singing in a dorky dance band on stage with jessica sanfararo (who is singing backup, and went to my junior high AND was a total dork!) gave me a mild case of existential trauma. really though, who plays in dorky funk bands!? i didnt even know there were dorky funk bands!! i thought only cool kids made music nowadays - like that dark and brooding shit, or else the electro new-new wave or whatever the hell it is. 

heather went from totally chic, to total geek.


(but i would still totally finger bang her - some things never change)

in other news, i just loaded anita baker's greatest hits on the ipod for tomorrow's cardio sesh.

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