the 4th of july. i've got social options today. my choice of 3 different bbqs. two of them are hosted by school mates and the other is by brett's sister's girlfriend. all of them offer drinks and meat consumption in the backyard sunshine amid friendly and familiar faces. but i decided that i'm going with none of the above. instead, i'm going to the gym for a few hours, then the grocery store, then home to finish cleaning my room. i feel like a loser for turning down all the social opportunity on a day when we are all supposed to celebrate our american heritage together - and really, i'm still kind of on the fence about it - but i want to hit the gym, and i've got work tomorrow morning, and the thought of another lonely day in which i don't speak to anyone isn't that depressing. and then again, knockin back a dozen cold ones and shootin the shit in the sun sounds down right appealing as well... what a pickle i'm in.