people keep posting really cute baby shit on facebook. and i watch and i say to myself, "man, i want one of those little critters to hang out with - that looks like fun!" ... and then the voice that lives in my head pipes up with his comments from the peanut gallery, "that's years down the line if at all, bub.. reality check - you can barely take care of yourself right now, i mean, look at yourself - mustard stain on your shirt, your room is a mess and it smells funny, you grow a beard because you are too lazy to shave once a week, the other day you slept until 3pm and then just watched netflix and jerked off all day. plus, you dont graduate for 2 more years, and when you do you'll be in debt up to your gills which means you'll likely work 60 hour weeks until you expire at an early age, thus leaving behind a young widow and a child that never really knew their father because he was always at work or high on really expensive scotch. dude, face it - you arent dad material right now - gotta sort yourself out first" ... and then i let out a big sigh, and concede to the voice, "yea, i guess youre right ... no babies for a while" and the voice says, "and not to mention you never get laid, so it's pretty much impossible for you to knock someone up"